Due to the upcoming Christmas holiday, readers of the Rice Report get a bonus double feature this week. I hope you enjoy them. --- SOCCER MOMMIE'S COMPLAINT Aren't you surprised? Aren't you outraged? George Bush a the "evil" NSA have been spying on the public! What horrors! Am I just being my sarcastic self? You betcha. Folks, I got news for ya. The horse left the barn about 89 years ago, and your outrage is a day late and a bit more than a dollar short. And the barn door ain't about to git shut. Ever withdraw 10 grand or more from your bank account? Uncle Sammy knows all about it. Under the guise of preventing some mythical crime known as "money laundering," banks have been required to report all such withdrawals, or all such requests for money orders, to the FBI for at least the last l2 years. Is that spying on the public? you betcha! So, tell me, Mr. and Mrs. Sanctimonious Suction Pump, where was your outrage when that was enacted into law? Ever change your banking habits from one week to the next? Uncle Sammy knows all about it. Under the guise of preventing money laundering (again) Congress enacted the "Know Your Customer" program in the late 90s. Banks are required to work up a profile of your transactions and then report deviations therefrom to ... that's right, the FBI. Is that spying on the public? You betcha! So, tell me, where was your outrage when that was enacted into law? Ever buy a postal money order? Well, Uncle Sammy knows all about it. Under the guise of preventing money laundering (again) Congress enacted the "Under the Eagle's Eye" program in the late 90s. Your local post office is required to report all "unusual" transactions you make to the FBI--including money orders. So, tell ------------------------------------------------------- me, Soccer Mommie, where was your outrage when that became law? Did you use a telephone during the crazy days of the l980s? Well, Uncle Sammy knows all about. In one form or another, some version of project Echelon has been screening the phone calls of U.S. and other citizens world-wide since at least the early l980s. Is that spying on the public? You betcha. So, tell me, Soccer Mommie, where was your outrage in the crazy 80s? Remember that census form that more than 70% of you willingly filled out 5 years ago? Did you tell Uncle Sammy how many people lived in your house? What language they spoke? The number of your bathrooms? Computers? TV sets? Bedrooms? Telephones? Is that spying on the public? You betcha. But guess what? You gave it all up for free, Soccer Mommie! In fact, it's my guess that if Uncle Sammy came to your front door and just asked for the transcripts of your telephone calls, the same 70% of you would willing give that up, too-- Soccer Mommie! Would you tell your next door neighbor how much money you make? No, of course you wouldn't, Soccer Mommie. But every April l5th you tell Uncle Sammy the intimate details of your financial intercourse that wouldn't even come up in pillow talk with your paramour. And you're worried about Uncle Sammy hearing the details of your B.S. telephone calls to ... whom? Your mother- in-law? Huntin' buddies? Girl friend(s)? Compared to what you've already given up to Uncle Sammy, your B.S. telephone calls wouldn't rate a millionth of a Nielsen point on a cancelled reality show. Oh, and most of you make your B.S. cell phone calls where I, and the rest of the world, can hear them, anyway. NSA is just recording what you already give away--freely. so, Soccer Mommie, shut up and get a reality check. ------------------------------------------------------- People who help build the glass houses shouldn't complain about the stones ... let alone the voyeurs. --- TOOK, TOOK, TOOKIE DON'T CRY; TOOK, TOOK, TOOKIE, GOODBYE! Poor Arnold--Schwarzenegger, that is; he took a lot of heat last week, primarily for doing the right thing, which was letting the law run its course on Stanley "Tookie" Williams. CNN (the communist News Network, for those of you who are out of the loop) had any number of reasons as to why Arnold did what he did. Firstly, there was Arnold's desire to be seen as a "tough" governor. Secondly, there was Arnold's desire for rapproachment with his alienated Republican base. Thirdly, there was Arnold's desire to recoup his loses after the his failed ballot initiatives (although, how executing "Tookie" would have recouped anything ws never explained). Fourthly, was Arnold's desire to appear tough on gang crime rampant in southern California. Yes, CNN had any number of reasons Arnold was so mean to "Tookie," except, as usual, the right one. And what was that you might ask? Well, simple, ... "Tookie" deserved it. That was one thought that never crossed a news desk. Let's review the record. Not long after founding Murder, Inc., otherwise known as the Crips, "Tookie" went on a mini crime spree. He robbed a convenience store and murdered the clerk with a shotgun. If anything's an assault weapon, a full bore l2 guage shotgun is. For close quarter combat around the neighborhood it would be my favorite. "Tookie" would later laugh about the incident as he imitated the the screams of the clerk as he was blasted to kingdom come. "Tookie" then went to a motel. He robbed that, too. The motel was run by a Chinese family, mother, father, and daughter. All three got the business end of ------------------------------------------------------- "Tookie's" shotgun. He exterminated an entire family. When his little crime spree was over, "Tookie" went back to his day job as CEO of Murder, Inc.. That alone should have merited him the death penalty. Of course, it didn't. Finally, the law caught up with "Tookie" and after spending nearly thirty years on death row, guess what? "Tookie" reformed! And, how did that happen? Well, he became a regular Dr. Seuss, writing children's books about the evils of joining gangs. A Swiss college professor even nominated him for a Nobel Peace Prize, just like Jimmy Carter! Oh, there's no parallel here at all, and I don't mean to imply that there is one. After all, Jimmy Carter's gang--the Democrats--are far more practiced and successful at extorting and robbing the public than the Crips ever could be. In fact, compared to left-wing politicians, the Crips are just pikers. Some people might find this comparison insulting. In that case, let me take this opportunity to apologize to the Crips. But, back to "Tookie's" "reformation"--it's a strange animal, is it not? On the one hand his lawyers and faithful supporters vehemently proclaim his innocence, on the other they say he's "reformed." If he's innocent, what has he reformed from? Writing bad and useless children's literature? And if he's reformed, then, of course, he wasn't innocent to begin with. It's a blatant enough paradox that even my students can understand it. Actually, "Tookie's" "reformation" is irrelevant to the case at hand. suppose Dr. Seuss became successful for writing children's books, then went on a murder spree. Later, he returns to his old ways, tired of a life of slaughter. We certainly wouldn't excuse Dr. Seuss his trepasses, so why excuse "Tookie" just because he ------------------------------------------------------- becomes Dr. Seuss? Suppose Jimmy Carter--who actually won a Nobel Peace Prize--suddenly goes on a murder spree AFTER winning the prize. Now, does the prize have any weight in determining the penalty? Of course not. For that matter anybody can nominte anybody for a Nobel prize. "Tookie's" lawyers just searched the world for someone who would be foolish enough to do it. Or, look at it another way. I give one of my slovenly students the "F" he so richly deserves. Twenty years later he comes to me and clailms a) he's reformed, and b) he's been nominated for a Nobel prize. Therefore, I should change his grade of twenty years earlier. Clearly, it's a non-sequitur. (I have no doubt that this is actually going to happen to me once I've been teaching long enough.) No, the point is not about reform. The point is about giving someone what they deserve based on what they've earned. Reform is beside the point. Arnie did what he did not for political facade, but because it was the right thing to do. -------------------------------------------------------