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Philip Zucker is a Freshman in the University of Pittsburgh Engineering Program. He chose to go to the University of Pittsburgh because Venice just seemed too "wet" and "Italian," two things that all nature abhors. He enjoys reading, eating, sleeping, breathing, playing video games, playing guitar, kicking stuff, and committing crime. He plans on going into the Mechanical Engineering section of Pitt, then getting fed up with it around Junior year and switching over to something less soul crushing.
The Shalomi are the only Jewish Indian tribe to predate the arrival of Europeans on the shores of America. He spends many hours a week practicing the traditional dances and songs of the Shalomi, the tribe of his ancestors, such as the Haronem ("Oy, my back!") dance and the ancient solemn scream song known as the Hallahc ("You call these bagels"). Philip Zucker brought fire to man. Philip Zucker gained his political acumen from his shepherd father, and his fine coat from his mother, Honeydew. Philip Zucker once ate a cow whole, washing it down with 4 liters of rubbing alcohol and grape juice. Later, he threw up 17 expertly marinated 6oz. filet mignon steaks on a silver serving tray. I once saw Philip Zucker tend to a single rice stalk throughout the entire monsoon season. He spent months outside, tormented by the elements. The rain lashed his body like a thousand whips, and the wind pounded his ear drums. In the end, he took his small handful of seed and gave it to the children of the village. Philip Zucker is love. |
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