The day I'm thinking of we were upstairs. No one else was home. Bud was twelve but his arms were already muscled and he could drive my uncle's truck. We were jumping up and down on the bed. At the top of every jump he kissed me. I didn't want to be anywhere else.

Every Saturday I meet Joe at the corner of Penn and Highland, but on the side away from the church. Joe tells me how much he believes in the people. If you just trust the people, Joe says, they'll do the right thing. He and his wife are reading Rimbaud. Joe says Rimbaud was a beautiful writer and a wise man. He tells me, "Rimbaud knew things."

Ed wore his hair in a long braid. After years in the coast guard and later the tuna fishing gigs, he carried himself a certain way. He made enough money in four months to last a year. Ed asked so kindly if I would please fall in love with him. He said I had inner resources and so could be happy living far from town. His red wool blanket was heavy. Ed said he could tell if someone's brain worked on alpha waves or beta. He said I was a beta wave woman.

At the march, although it's very cold, Joe lies down in the street to save the innocents. He lies right down and he's happy to do it. He looks up at the cop with the Plexiglas face mask and the long white stick. Joe believes if he trusts the cop, the cop will do the right thing. Joe's in the street and it's 1968 or 1971 or 2003. Lying there he's so happy. It's with difficulty that he avoids floating up to heaven where he tells me he will meet his Jesus and his Buddha. Later they show Joe on the local TV news lying down to save the innocents. They aim the camera at his beard which is crusted with white snow. Joe knew they would do that. He trusted they would.

I was sorry Bud and I were cousins. Everyone could see we were sweet on each other. I thought he loved the farm the way I did, but when he grew up he became a teacher. Then a principal. My uncle couldn't give that farm away.

It broke my heart to break Ed's heart. He had good hands and could fix anything. He was a true friend, but I must not really be a beta wave woman. I hope he is up there in Alaska. I hope he stayed far from town.

Joe says everyone's got love in their heart. He says when the weather gets better he'll bring his trombone down to the vigil and play a little back up to my poems. Joe says you gotta trust the people, everyone's got love in their heart if you can just believe in them.