Honors Applied Statistical Methods 1000
Your mother is so bad at statistics...

A professor recently asked a student to explain a p-value, and "make it so clear, even your mom could understand it". The student dutifully explained the p-value, but secretly wished he could retaliate with an insult like one of these, contributed by students in Honors Stat 1000:

    (E.G.) 1.Your mom is so bad at statistics that she draws top hats over her p's 2.Your mom is so bad at statistics that she falls asleep at the thought of a Z statistic (Z z z ) 3.Your mom is so bad at statistics that the alternative hypothesis is a signal to start laughing (Ha!) 4.Your mom is so bad at statistics that she thinks correlation is the same as causation! 5. Your mom is so bad at statistics that she thought her Type I Diabetes diagnosis was a Type I Error, and refuses to take medication. EXTRA: Your mom is so GOOD at statistics that she says she can prove the null hypothesis!

    (A.W.) 1.Your mom is so bad at statistics that she used a z test instead of a t test for inference when sigma was unknown and the sample size was 6. 2.Your mom is so bad at statistics that she refers to populations as a statistics and to samples as parameters. 3.Your mom is so bad at statistics that she said I'm 95% confident that the population proportion falls within one standard deviation of the sample proportion." 4.Your mom is so bad at statistics that she published a double blind observational study yesterday. We still don't know how she did it. 5.Your mom is so bad at statistics that she thought Z, F, p, n, t, x, and sd, were just letters of the alphabet.

    (J.S.) 1. Your mom is so bad at statistics that she thought x-bar was a new pub opening in town. 2. Your mom is so bad at statistics that she wasn't sure if the sample proportion was contained in a 95% confidence interval. 3. Your dad is so bad at statistics that he thought chi square was a fraternity you should join in college. 4. Your dad is so bad at statistics that when he heard you made a boxplot, he was concerned you were conspiring to destroy cardboard. (this one is in a different arrangement but I wanted to change the word order up some) 5. There is not enough evidence to reject the null hypothesis that your mom is bad at statistics.

    (S.G.) 1) Your mom is so bad at statistics, she mixes up t, z, and F in the alphabet. 2) Your mom is so bad at statistics, her IQ is a categorical variable: 0 or 1. 3) Your mom is so bad at statistics, she commits Type 3 errors. 4) Your mom is so bad at statistics, her confidence intervals have zero length. 5) Your mom is so bad at statistics, she thinks uniform distributions dress up in uniforms.

    (G.R.) Your mom/dad is so bad at statistics that she/he... doesn't know the difference between a z and a t statistic. thinks it's always okay to use 0.05 as the cut off value for the p-value. believes that it's okay to have a sample of 500 when the population is 1000. thinks that gender can be a response variable. adds probabilities when she should multiply them for "and" situations.

    (R.G.) Here's some (bad) "yo momma" jokes: Your mom is so bad at statistics, she went to the bathroom to try and find the p-value. Your mom is so bad at statistics, she thought ANOVA had something to do with stars. Your mom is so bad at statistics, she thought chi-squared was just a weird name for a fraternity. Your mom is so bad at statistics, she watched an entire season of The Simpsons to try to understand Simpson's paradox. Your mom is so bad at statistics, she thought Ha and Ho were sounds of laughter.

    (M.R.) -You're mom is so bad at stats that she thinks that correlation implies causation. -You're dad is so bad at stats that he took a bar graph to an AA meeting. -You're mom is so bad at stats that she thinks t-tests are only for the English. -You're dad is so bad at stats that he thinks a large DF means he can rob a bank. -When it comes to you're mom she's so mean she doesn't even have a standard deviation.

    (R.G.) Yo momma's so bad at statistics, she thinks a convenience sample is when you get a free cube of cheese at the grocery store. Yo momma's so bad at statistics, she thinks Ho is something Santa Claus likes to say over and over. Yo momma's so bad at statistics, when she sees the word "inference" she guesses. Yo momma's so bad at at statistics, her parents call her a type 3 error. Yo momma's so bad at statistics, she thinks po is the name of a teletubbie.

    (J.C.) 1. Your dad is so bad at statistics he tries to use a t statistic when he knows sigma (population standard deviation) and n is large 2. Your dad is so bad at statistics he rejects a null hypothesis when the p value is more than .05 3. Your dad is so bad at statistics he thinks type II error is rejecting the null hypothesis when it is true 4. Your dad is so bad at statistics he thinks testing against a two sided alternative makes you more likely to reject a null hypothesis 5. Your dad is so bad at statistics he thinks the smaller the sample size the narrower the confidence interval

    (L.R.) 1. Your momma is so bad at statistics, when I mentioned minitab she thought I was talking about a miniature can of Tab soda 2. Your momma is so bad at statistics that when I said Ho she said Christmas is finally here. Your momma is so bad at statistics that when I asked what should be in the pie chart, she said "pumpkin please" Your momma is so bad at statistics she confused a histogram with a hysterectomy Your momma is so bad at statistics when I said I found ANOVA, she said " that was my first car"

    (J.H.) Your mom is so bad at statistics that... 1. she thought Type I and Type II errors were her diabetes diagnosis. 2. she thinks inference takes place before data production. 3. she does not reject the null hypothesis when the p value is less than 0.05. 4. she used stemplots and histograms to summarize categorical variables. 5. she thought IQR stood for Individual Qualification Record.

    (M.L.) Yo momma so bad at statistics that... 1. She thinks ANOVA is a type of disease. 2. Her IQ can only be measured as a categorical variable. 3. She solely relies on anecdotal evidence for her studies. 4. She thinks Mew is just a Pokemon. 5. She thinks x-bar is where the X-Men go to drink.

    (D.M.) Your momma is so bad at statistics that she thinks mu is something belonging to the Pokemon universe. Your momma is so bad at statistics that she thinks a double blind experiment is a study with inconclusive results. Your momma is so bad at statistics that she believes x-bar is used as an exercising item. Your momma is so bad at statistics that she believes that a table of expected counts is referring to a table consisting of europeans ranking in nobility. Your momma is so bad at statistics that she believes that the Independent "And" Rule is referring to a dictatorship.

    (N.D.) Yo mama so bad at statistics... ... she thought the test statistic was the midterm. ... she refuses to accept that deviation can be standard. ... she doesn't understand why people keep trying to reject the null hypothesis. Shouldn't someone have proven it by now? ... she thinks a bar graph charts alcohol consumption. ... when people talk about Ha she wonders what the joke is.

    (M.J.) Your mom is so bad at stats, she thinks p-hat is phat. Your mom is so bad at stats, she thinks beta_0 is a fraternity. Your mom is so bad at stats, she thinks type II error a cause of diabetes. Your mom is so bad at stats, she thinks a histogram is a small amount of history. Your mom is so bad at stats, she thinks a sample proportion is p.