Leaving Domestic Abuse

There are various reasons men stay in abusive relationships.  Some of these reasons may seem very familiar due to the fact that women in abusive relationships also cite these to answer the question of why they stay.(8)

• Shame    How will society react to this charge of abuse?  This seems like an unnatural occurrence.
• Denial   Minimizing the affects of the abuse.  Victims tell themselves it's really not that bad.
• The Kids   The victim stays in the relationship in order to protect the children from abuse.  If the man leaves, he may never be able to see the children again.
• Fear   As seen in cases with women as the victim, leaving the relationship is a period of major vulnerability. 
• Love   Despite the abuse, the victim still believes that the partner loves them.
• Religious Beliefs   Many religions hold marriage to be a sacred bond.  The father is often seen as being responsible for the welfare of the family.  
• Lack of Social Support   Along with abuse comes isolation, men often lack a support system and often have trouble finding someone to talk to about their problems..

Dealing With Abuse: The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

You can find a list of local resources that can assist in helping you escape from a violent relationship is available here.

Divorce:

If you have children, it is necessary to think about the custody arrangement and what is best for the child if a divorce is involved. Often, the custody of the children is awarded to the mother but with more and more parents spending equal time as caregivers to the children, it has become more common for the father to gain custody. Some things that the court considers when awarding custody are:

• Above all, the best interest of the child and which parent seems to be acting in the best interest of the child
• In cases of abuse or neglect, it might be obvious which parent should have custodial rights
• Depending on the state, the child's wishes may be taken into consideration

For more information on custody issues or other legal matters refer to the divorce headquarters website

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